one chance.

April 14, 2006

i don’t know why, but recently… i’ve watched to movies that has something to do about friendship, death and love. one was Lilo and Stitch: Stitch has a glitch (yeah, pardon for being a kid at heart ) and the other one was If Only just a few moments ago.

i learned from that Lilo and Stitch movie that love is more powerful than death. Stitch short circuited and died. Lilo cried (i was teary eyed myself) but she still believed Stitch could live despite the circumstances…and he did! i don’t know how, but it happened. love can reallt do great things. (just like Christ’s love for us.) her love for Stitch was more powerful than death. their friendship still showed even until Stitch’s death. Stitch knew he was guna expire pretty soon, and he left because as he was dying, his glitches caused great damages to everyone. he sacrificed not being with Lilo even though he wanted to so badly…but he knew that leaving would be the better choice. he died, but he came back. the friendship prospered after the incident even more, and their bond is stronger than ever. it’s somewhat the same with my situation. i have to leave (but i won’t die. i don’t want to just yet! lol) but it’s for the sake of sacrificing my feelings for something long term. i know i’ll come back. i know you won’t stop believing and i know our friendship will prevail.

 

 

“the way you loved me vanished all the tears…” - a line from the ending song of jennifer love in the movie. a thought came to me after watching that.. when you have a moment to show your love for someone, don’t hesitate. don’t show reluctance for you might not have that moment ever again. a lost second might not happen again. it’s a chance you may never get for a second time.

a friend told me the reason daw why you’re afraid to tell me is because we seem to have such a perfect friendship and that you might ruin it if you do something such as admit your feelings… i can say from what i’ve watched and learned is that our friendship won’t be impaired if you spill your guts out. it will get somewhat intricate in a way, but isn’t that customary already? don’t relationships have their complicated moments? your coming clean to me about what you honestly feel isn’t really a predicament. it’s just that we’re both afraid of what’s gunna happen next. will it be something amiable? or will it be disagreeable?

 

i really don’t intend on dissipitating a chance. that chance that could be lost in the blink of an eye. our only chance to be something more than friends, and yet, in spite of everything, be bestfriends at the same time…

that same friend told me this schmaltzy, somewhat maudlin story of how she saw “us”. referring to and and this dude i care so much about. it goes something like:

i can see it now..
it was camp…
the sky was unusually clear.. with only the luminescent moon shining brightly contrasting the bleak sky… you were sitting outside the hall.. just the two of you.. remembering the past, laughing at the present and wondering about the years to come…he gets up and says, “it’s getting late, let me walk you back to your cottage. ”

you smile and get up, and you walk side by side.. laughing and talking along the way.. in the middle of the field, where it was dark and no one could see… he stops and stares at the moon..

“i’ll really miss you, kinky…” he goes…

“there’s something i’ve been itching to tell you…”

you come closer to him ask, “what is it?”

he faces you.. he looks into your eyes.. he holds you close..

 

“i love you…” he goes as he embraces you tightly, with tears rolling down from his eyes..

from behind you could hear the adults telling everyone that it’s time for lights off..

you wanna go but you can’t.
you just both cry silently in the middle of it all…
in each other’s arms..

can this ever happen to us? will it ever happen notwithstanding my departure? i need the memory of a warm embrace to keep me holding on, for me to keep on having faith and believing that it will happen, that we have our chance, against all odds, in His perfect timing and His will.

 

 

“One In This World”

I’ve been searching for
A heart that needs a heart like mine
I’ve been reaching for
A hand that understands
I’ve been waiting for
Someone that I can love
That loves me
Loves me for the one that I am

Someone to hold me when I’m lonley
Someone to keep the rain away
They say
They say

[Chorus]
There’s one in this world for everyone
One heart
One soul to walk besides you
One in this life to share your love
One touch
To touch the heart inside you
Wanna reach for each night
Wanna trust with your life
That’s what I believe
You’re the one
The one in this world for me

I’ve been praying that
Someone like you would rescue me
I’ve been hoping that
I’ll find my way to you
I’ve been dreaming that
Someday I’ll finely find somebody
Somebody to make my dreams come ture

Somebody to hold me when I’m lonley
Someone to give my whole world to
They say
They say

[Chorus]

Somebody to hold me when I’m lonely
Someone to tell my secrets to
Someone who’s living for me only
Someone to give my whole world to
They say
They say
They say
They say

[Chorus]

You’re the one
You’re the one in this world for me
You’re the one

 

how would i know if you’re “the one” God created for me? i know i can never be oh-so-certain. i am hoping though. it’s very probable for us to disclose the feelings we have towards each other. oh how i dream of that day to come, and yet, despite the fact that i yearn for it… how come i have this doubt? this brusque and distasteful skepticism deep within me?

i want to remove it from this system of mine. i want to, but i cant! i long to be with you… i really want you to be the one. i’m glad i found somebody like you.. though i have this uncertainty, i have faith in both of us. that we can survive this separation and that, in His time, we can finally be in each other’s arms…

in that song, i love that line when it said, “they say you’re the one in this world for me.. somebody to hold me when i’m lonely.. (and so on..)” why? because it’s true. my friends declare it, but i can’t help denying it. call me the denial queen, but i just don’t want to admit it. in my heart, i promised to reserve myself for that somebody who would hold me when i’m lonely, to that someone i’d give my whole world to. right now, that person is my Lord. but of course, i can’t help but have you in mind as well.

i really want to tell you how much i love everything about you. the way you smirk when you’re plotting something evil against me, that dimple on your cheek when you smile as i say hello, the way your eyes twinkle when we talk, the way you make me laugh when i’m depressed, the comfort you give when you know something’s wrong, the absolute honesty you give me, the trust you freely gave, the sweet notions you think i don’t appreciate but you don’t know how much they mean to me, the simple things that mean so much…i just love those.

 

 

at night, i’d smile to myself. sometimes i think i’m going nuts, but i know that i just have this reassurance that i will be with you someday. i know God has plans for my life, i do pray with all of my heart that He includes you in it. as young as i am, i know i shouldn’t be thinking of who i shall be marrying in the future, for the future is in God’s hands and He is in control of that, nevertheless…i’m looking forward to that day when i discover that you are the “one”. how hopeful i am in that aspect of my life.

how bizarre is that? a friend told me you admitted to her that you do like-like me. you said it’s complicated. well, i say it is full of twists and turns, but isn’t that what makes it all worth it? it’s going to be so exciting. i’m really looking forward to God’s love story for me. we’ll never know, He could be implementing it right now…