if only…

(i had to retype everything… it was erased and i feel so pissed and sad now.. ;’c damn.damn.damn. i can’t remember the awesome things i typed moments ago.. and i don’t feel like typing it all again. i apologize. i know i shouldn’t have said that but i’m just so pissed. why>??!?!?!? ) 

i see you running far off.. trodding away or coming near? i can’t forget the time we almost held hands.. almost. what a word. it was peculiarly odd…it was just our normal “apir” moment but for a second there…i saw a twinkle in your eye. haha am i hallucinating or what?

 –this was more than a week ago.. and now, valentine’s day.. i still find it hard remove this thought in my head…

valentine’s day was never that important to me - and it still isn’t..that much. but..for some reason, i guess this was a different day. we finally have a weird memory of february 14 hehe

its outrageous. i heard the words i never actually wanted to hear from you… not now. i knew, from a friend, you try not to think about it and yet i still keep reminding you, reminding myself of the time we have left. not much time, but - as the positive thinker that you are - sabi mo nga… “matagal pa naman yun.” i guess… so why… why did you have to say the words which induce so much sorrow? do you even know it causes me pain and joy all at the same time?

dont go…

i cried when you declared this to me… our usual midnight talk and i cried as you actually revealed this to me… never did i expect my dream to come true. it was actual and i couldn’t control my tear ducts. though i said it wasn’t your fault, it actually was. i couldn’t admit to you why i truly broke down.

i’m sorry i lied. i lied when i said i just remembered my friends who left abroad in the past. it was half truth. i cried because of what you said. when you uttered those words, i felt the care. the pain and the love that goes with it. i never wanted you to get hurt. but  i was the only one sobbing, the only one still lamenting on that melancholic thought. it makes me not want to leave anymore…my desire to stay and never leave you.

DAMN. IM SO PISSED I CAN’T TYPE ANY DAMN GOOD THING RIGHT NOW. IT WAS ALL SO WONDERFUL. SO WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE DELETED?????! WHY!!!!!

CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW TO RECOVER POSTS PLEASE?

I NEED MY POST BACK :’C im begging… i need it. i worked so hard for it.

i’m sorry…

is my love for you going to be like my post?

i sure hope not.