passenger seat

i was beside you in the car yesterday. chris was driving and noel was in the front seat of the car. so yeah, it left you and me to ride together at the back seat of the car. i don’t know why, but…i guess i expected that to happen. i was guilty of having a lusciously sweet thought. weird i know, i just can’t help the fact that i think of us being together and actually being “together”. haha. i laigh at that thought. i mean, when would you ever realize that i am growing fond of your presence? more every moment i spend my time with you?

 how i wish i could comprehend these thoughts. chris was hilarious enough to joke as you walked with noel out to the gate. “kung inaantok ka, may sandalan ka naman jan eh!” (me: looking puzzled) (chris: smirking) “yung katabi mo!” it was comical. yes. but peculiar. i never expected anyone to think that. and yet, why do i fancy that concept? my weary head on your gentle shoulder, your aroma soothing my lethargic spirit and your doting caress on my uncompelled hand.

dreams to cause my wounded heart such sweetsorrow. knowing how grueling it is to confine all my feelings for you is just tear-jearking. knowing how i can’t stroke your crunched up hair, how i can’t feel that warm embrace, that promising grasp that could keep me from showing these feelings too wonderful for words.

 how unspeakable these halluciantions are. i cannot decipher anything! too much is the bewilderment ensnaring this mind. i doubt if you’re baffled as well. i gazed into those deep brown eyes of yours…as ot said in a song.. “one look and i died.” i did. i could not be “au fait” with that intuition i got when i had this chance to do so. i can never look at you the same unaffected way, i became more unpretentious, but still with some assumptions. i couldn’t help but speculate if you were feeling the same way. i felt the warmth, the tenderness and amiability in that simple journey with you.

how i wish i could have more. more jaunts with you. more moments where i can break free and be emancipated with you. to just have you. even for a blink. to have my head on your shoulder…just once.

i suppose i did, in that second where i just caught a glimpe of your eye and your love…i had you.