friends forever?

…hmmmm.

i’ll wait on the Lord for you. i shouldnt have some one in particular when i think of my future husband but i can’t help but make you singit in the picture. it’s like you just pop in there for some weird reason. i try not to… and i am.

 i have to prove to my dad that we’re just friends. but are we? are we more? i have no idea. i should slap myself for even thinking that thought, all it does is ruin what i have been trying to build up since my previous mistake with alex. actually, i dont really regret that mistake because i have learned a lot from it. i just want to prove to everyone that i have learned. and i will not make the same mistakes again. but will i really stop? am i taking a step into the pool of mistakes with you once more? should i back away? what if i can’t? what would happen to me? to you?

 to us?

there was never really an “us” to begin with. we are our own person. you hate girls controlling guys, and a loathe guys controlling girls. we just have a lot in common, and we have our differences. can’t people see that we’re nothing more but friends? we hang out like normal people. no special attachment whatsoever. okei. not really. there is “something” there but… nothing so serious. just a meer spark of liking. should anyone care? this is normal. i am a teenager with peer pressures, bad hair days and mood swings.

i got a hint that he somewhat “likes me”. but why do i ponder on that too much? do i expect something more than being friends? do i secretly smile when i see you? does my heart skip a beat when you tell me a secret or show that you care? do i like it when you talk to me about anything? do i find it “kiligful” when your face comes close to mine when you say something about a movie? i can’t say yes to these questions because that wouldn’t be exactly true, and yet i can’t say no because that isn’t exactly correct. a perfect answer would be: WHY? it keeps away the unfathomable questions that linger in this head.

i like us being friends. i hope we will be like that forever. i don’t know what lies ahead in the future…only HE does. so, i won’t picture you in my fairy tale ending just yet. when i know that it’s you, then i happily will. but right now, there’s no one in particular. great relationships start at being really great friends. you can say lovers and couples are friends too.

 i’m happy we’re friends. i hope we will be for a long time.